A Day in the Sun

Sestina,
April 2019

On the gentle earth, there had never been a Spring as cruel, as dark,
As shallow as the brutal, budding Spring that preys upon my mind
Every so often. In the living world, there had never been a sun 
As pale, as weak, as numb to be called defunct. And, my one, you
Had never been as distant, as detached, as rigidly cold as on the day
Your loving words lost their soul and their tender sound faded.

How do they echo and cut as slender blades if they have faded, 
How do they drain the blood from my veins, and leave me in the dark, 
Alone and lost, in the vastness of the night, where there is no day 
To hope for, there is no light shining in the stillness of the mind, 
Only words that echo, and your image flashing; an illusion of you. 
Always you, and until you return, there will be no sun.

Until you return, I will mourn for the days without a sun.
For the repellent time we spend apart and the memories that faded. 
I will mourn for every loathsome minute you don’t know I love you, 
And every blighted second I breathe what’s not your scent. In the dark,
I will mourn for losing the privilege of being in your mind, 
That beautiful mind, and the joy of having you vivify my day.

The eternal night is comforting, I may forget the existence of day —
When I have the moon with me, what would be the use of the sun 
For you’re not here to walk with me under it, you’re only in my mind 
Where we are always happy, and the merciless winter has long faded, 
Where the light is not lurid and I no longer choose to wake up in the dark 
For when I look beside me, I always see you.

But, there is such a thing as too late and the moment you 
Accept that, is the moment your story turns, day by day 
Into a new-age tragedy where you do not fear the dark 
Or the dreaded death, you stay helplessly alive, away from the sun, 
Watching a part of you dying, and your dreams that faded 
Along with everything that gave your life breath in your mind.

The mind. Nothing as deceitful, nothing as compelling. The mind. 
It plays with me — What life would be one where I have not met you 
What life is one I walk, carrying on my shoulders hopes that faded 
And the parts of me that died on that wretched Spring day 
They were heavy, they broke into pieces that reflected the sun 
Pieces that hurt when I moved, I breathed, I existed, still in the dark.

And yet, if I could live again, if I could turn back time with my mind,
I’d condemn, over and over again, all the light of a lifetime to have you
Next to me, even just for a day — just a day with you in the sun.

 

©2018 by Diamaya Dawn. All Rights Reserved.

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